Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
