1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your face is a jimmy john
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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