he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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