So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
