I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
