The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
