Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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