did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
