did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
