Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
God, I missed his penis.
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