It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need moral support for this bender
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
