I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize