What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
