Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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