Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
