yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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