Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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