just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
