Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
