I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
