Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
