I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
