i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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