I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
