Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
