tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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