Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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