but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
