i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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