I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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