my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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