Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
