I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
