Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
