I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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