it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
