I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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