I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
