listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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