I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
