First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
