Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
