Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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