just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she peed on how many people?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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