No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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