My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
