If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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