you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
