***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i will never coherently bang her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
