So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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