there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
