But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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