Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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