I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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