i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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