you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
