I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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