I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
