Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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