I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize