her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
