My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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